Why Me?

Okay, first you need to know that I hate the question that I used as my title. It is nothing but unproductive. But I am having a moment where I am asking myself, "why me?". The mantle of my responsibilties to my children is weighing heavy on my shoulders at the moment. I am so drained and need to find my inspiration to move through it and I am sure in another day or so I will be over this pity party. So, what am I talking about, you may ask.....I am going through it with the school that Connor goes to, Audie Murphy Middle School. I feel like I do this same song and dance every couple of years. Last year, I went through it so I came here with the confidence that I had my ducks in a row and everything would be smooth sailing....at least until he got into High School. He is in a Resource program. That is when a child who has learning issues goes to a series of classes that learn things at a lower lever than his mainstream peers. It can mean that the work is at a lower grade level or learned at a slower pace. The school he is in is telling me that he is struggling so badly that he can't be productive in this learning enviroment. I find it interesting that he was able to do it in MO, but not here in TX. It could be a product of a few things though......moving and the change that brings, he is no longer on his meds, he's being lazy....I don't know. But in the meantime, he isn't doing so hot here. They want me to put him in a FASP or SKILLS program....they are the same thing just 2 different ways to say it. That is a contained classroom in which you do all of your work at whatever grade level that you are able to learn at and maybe you get to leave for elective classes if you are able and up for it.It is the most restrictive learning enviroment in the public school system. I went to the class at the school they want him to move to and observed it to see what it was all about. What I found was a class of children that were much more severely handicapped then my child and if they weren't, then they were being WAY underestimated. I don't want to sound snotty in any way, but it isn't where my child should be. He does have his issues, but he is capable of more that what was going on in that classroom. This is what I walked into:
On one side of the class was a table with 4 students sitting at it. They were the group who were the most impaired. Even though it was reading time, they were being taught life skills....it happened to be a lesson about a place setting. An aide was giving them a plate, fork, knife, spoon and cup and asking the kids to touch the item she would name. In another corner was a group of kids that were having the teacher read them the story of Little Bear, a children's book with pictures. And asking them basic questions like who is in the story and things like that. Then there was a group of 2 students reading a piece of paper with a story paragraph at about a 2nd grade level to an aide. When they were all done with the reading hour, the students got to do a round of singing "head, shoulders, knees, and toes". Through the whole thing there was one more student that sat at a table in her wheelchair with her sippie cup doing nothing, but looking off into space. It was a sad commentary to see this girl and all I could think of was what a sad waster of time...she wasn't learning diddly and she needed way more than this setting could ever give her.
As I left, I just felt insulted that this is where they wanted to put Connor. I will concede that he may be struggling, but I really felt like this isn't the answer. It felt too much like giving up. He would never meet his potential or be pushed to progress in this enviroment. If anything, I think he would regress and be distracted by all the movement and noises that the children around him would make. So I went to the school meeting that I had hoping that there was another choice....a way to find a happy medium. In the meeting, I was basically told in so many words that his current school was not an option and that if I insisted that they leave him there, that they would take away all of his modifications that help him learn and "let the proof be in the pudding....he will either sink or swim and we think he will sink". Then they would have the right, according to them, to force my hand and put him where ever they want....meaning this FASP program. They also tell me that I have one more option....I can go look at the same program at one more school....because "every classroom has a different personality and you may like the one in that class better". So I go to look at another school, same program. The next school had 2 classes. One room had the severly impaired children in it and the other seemed a little more Connor's speed. It was close to being what I was looking for if I have to do this. Some of the children would leave to go to Resource classes and electives. Then, I talked to the aide in there and she informs me that any child that is put into this program isn't allowed to go to High School until they are 15....no exceptions. WHAT??!! If that is true then Connor would end up doing the 8th grade at least one more time, probably 2 since his birthdate is June 26, 1995. So, I am back to the mind frame of this choice really sucks....what am I going to do? I went home and cried due to my frustration and anger at the whole situation. I am doing a lot of questioning, soul searching, and praying. I began to wonder, "why me?" Why was I chosen to have this child when I can't seem to find the path that will make him successful. It is one of those times that I wish that I had money. Sadly, if I had that, then a lot of this would be moot. I could afford to do so much more for him. But we live on a military salary.....So, no crying over spilt milk. Today I am really drained from the whole ordeal. I know that I need to talk to some more people and that,with some faith, I will be guided to the right choice and situation for Connor.......but I am so tired of it being such a battle all the time.
Okay.....enough of my complaining and venting. I know that in the long run,I am blessed. So I will end it with that.